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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Our days...

I feel like this is normal, at least I hope it is... does every mom feel like this? The enormous amount of guilt as your baby cries as you walk away, the clinging to your leg, not to mention the drop your heart makes to your legs when you, the mom, the one that gave birth gets the least amount of time with the most important person in your life on a daily basis....
I think Will and I have both been feeling like there's just not enough time for each other lately, not enough time for all the kisses, all the playing, and all the snuggles we want to get in after a long day.
Most days Will is at Mama Michelle's I rush in to pick him up, he runs to me and gives me a big bear hug, usually we exchange a peck or two before he writes me off goes back to playing. I don't know if its the other kids, the fun toys, or what but he is never ready to leave. Which is a good thing, a GREAT thing.
Once we get settled in the car with our clothes and art projects we talk about the day, sing and jibber jabber to the highway to make the haul home. Then is one excitement after the next as we greet Moomer (Boomer), get the mail, and bring in our treasures from the day. By this time lil man is usually hungry, if I'm lucky we can fit in a quick workout or throw in the occasianal load of laundry but then its dinner, bath, play for a bit and bed. All in the 2 hours we have together in the evening.
With Will in an all time Mamamamama phase it has started to weigh on my heart. Does he need me more? I know he certainly wants me more, but does he NEED me more. Along with Wills age telling him he needs to have mamamama all the time, I wonder if I am harming him by coming to his rescue every time he thinks he needs me... maybe if I didn't cater to this and let it go more it wouldn't be an issue. But how do you say no after not seeing them all day? You need me Will? SURE You want 3 mananas (bananas) for dinner Will? SURE You want to just snuggle and watch cartoons with mamama all night? SURE
Hugging Julius good bye

one day last week we actually got to go outside after work, 60 in January, yay, back to the teens now :(

He loves to snuggle, always has

I could snuggle all night, my little booboo.

Will had his 15 month appointment, all is well! Weight 75% height 50% brains...doc was quite impressed. Her quote I will always remember: "Ashley, he's such a good little baby." As will is terrorizing the room I smirk "No, do you remember... he was a very sick little baby, and every time I've seen him he's been in such a great mood, even on his worst of days, and so smart. Keep doing whatever your doing."  Thanks doc. 

Isn't this what everyone's purse looks like in the morning?

Eating his favorite, Mananans
I just signed Will up for swim classes, and I'm trying to plan some more fun little dates for us. I know it doesn't help that it is winter and we are stuck inside and bored....and along with the busy weeks we have had a lot of things on the weekends as well. Mainly I am trying to find some balance but when I look in those sweet sweet eyes and know all they want is me, it sure is hard to have any balance in this crazy life.

1 comment:

  1. Don't have momma guilt. You are doing the best you can for little Will, you will be able to provide for him and give him anything he wants/needs. Of course he will cry when you leave but I bet 2mins later he is on the go having a blast with your nanny {she seems great btw). It's only natural to have that guilt but just remind yourself of what Will will be able to have. Your doing a great job, and your an amazing mom. :)


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