The first week....

Well I just about have week one under my belt. I honestly don't think I have ever worried more about someone in my entire life!
Is he okay? Is he crying? do they know what he wants? does he miss me? is he sick?
Our childcare situation is a little different than the normal everyday same thing routine. My mom was going to watch him on Mondays but since her arm incident this has been put on hold for a while (even after it is healed she will need to go through physical therapy to get muscle and strength back) not all places do part time which is what we need.
So Monday Will went to the sitter I found for the second time, I took him when I had my follow up doctor appointment just for a few hours.
It was so hard for me to say goodbye to him in the morning, Poor little Will was wondering why mommy was crying so hard. Little did he know it would be 9 hours before we would see each other again :( Luke dropped him off which helped a little though.
I called to check on him and she said he had some trouble falling asleep but was doing okay, I picked him up and all went fine but when we got home he had a big poopy diaper. He was sleeping over there so I didn't want to read too much into it, however this sitter had also just taken on a couple other young ones. I didn't jump to any conclusions but I thought maybe a more one on one or a stay at home mom with just a couple other kids would maybe be a better fit for us.
Tuesday Gigi, Luke's mom watched him, Whew I could breath a sigh of relief, I know that Kris loves him more than life itself so he was in good hands. I talked to her a couple times throughout the day and I know that it will take them a couple of these Tuesdays to get used to each other and for her to learn his routine, so they had a couple rough patches but I am sure they both had an awesome day!
This was my first experience with hearing my baby cry through the phone... worst feeling ever! All I wanted to do is run home and make him all better but I couldn't. It is so weird from going from three months to doing nothing but taking care of his every need for him to being 30 miles away.
Since we were doing some trial and error this first week Wednesday I decided to try bringing him to work with me. I loaded up the extra swing, bouncy seat, and baby supplies! It wasn't too bad having him there but it sure was exhausting, when I wasn't working I spent every second making sure he was happy, and comfortable so that he wouldn't cry. I just felt pretty on edge all morning. When I got him to go to sleep I had turned off all the lights in my office and closed the blinds so I was working in the dark to the sound of ocean waves. I had some white noise on to try and block out the phones etc.

We lasted from 7:15-about 1 pm I just don't know if this is something I will be able to do every week. While I did get SOME work done, the majority of my time was spent tending to baby Will. Will playing on the floor in mommy's office.
And chilling in my seat.

Thursday: He is back at the sitter, and I am on the full hunt to try and find someone that can come to our house. If we can find someone we like and the price is okay we would much rather have someone be able to watch him in our home. We wouldn't have to drop off or pick up, he would get more one on one attention, and I could set my own "rules" as far as what I want done, when, how etc...

My friend Michelle said something to me the other day that was pretty powerful. "You have to LOVE where your baby is, Its YOUR baby and you are his only advocate" If we cant find or afford someone to come to our home maybe we can find someone that is more one on one than he is getting now, we'll see but the hunt is on and you know what happens when I put my mind to something :)

I hate not knowing where he will be next, or what will happen, but I want the best for him and I don't want to settle so hopefully some changes will happen soon and it will be worth the wait.