I've been beating myself up about a mommy FAIL moment recently... please understand that as a type A perfectionist even typing the word fail when talking about being a mommy is causing my eyes to well up with tears.
Why is it so hard to keep it all together, and why does EVERYTHING fall on the momma's shoulders? I mean literally from who's watching Will for what occasion to vacuuming to paying bills to setting up television service to grocery shopping to keeping track of an ever filling calender to making sure your child's learning is on track... I've felt like I've been drowning a bit lately.
Jackie texted me the other day to ask if there was a size up nipple she should be using for Will's bottles. I asked her to look at the number on hers to see what she was using because I didn't remember what I had originally given her. She said they were size 2. Insert gulp.
We moved Will up to size 3 dr. browns nipples UMMM 2 months ago? Or more? I don't even remember at this point. Will gets 2-3 bottles a day with Jackie 3-4 days a week and he has been struggling to suck them down. Why didn't I remember this?
I couple hours later I was at her house picking the sweet lil mr. up and I saw our blankie that Luke had had on him because it was chilly that morning and it dawned on me..... We've been letting Will sleep with a blankie in his crib for about two months now. Now I know that some people may not agree with this. BUT I swaddled, we have breathable bumpers, and fitted sheets I use most precautions with this issue but the boy loves to snuggle his blankie! We now lay him on top of it and he cant get out of our arms fast enough to snuggle and rub his face on it. I think it is a comfort thing for him now. Get where this is going?
I cant begin to explain the feeling that Will may not have as comfortable as he could of been because this tiny tid bit this mommy forgot. When remembering the 900 million other things a day that run through my mind at the speed of light....sometimes.I.fail.
As I sit and beat myself up I wonder...am I a good mom? I could think of a million awesome things I do for him but it all comes back to not spending enough time with him, and sometimes when I do I feel like I am so exhausted I am not giving him 100% of me. Dang mommy guilt gets me every time.... Do you suffer from this horrible condition?
I think the best treatment for it is extra snuggles!
Luke reassures me that I am THE BEST mommy a boy could ask for and he thinks I am crazy for ever doubting myself, so at least I got that going for me...ha!
Stay tuned for tomorrows post: The Plan