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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

One thing no one tells you....

I have so many great friends and family members who have been there and done that and I thoroughly enjoy every bit of advise they give me but there is one thing I didn't get a warming about....

No matter how many books you read, how prepared you are, or what an amazing parent you are there is an unspeakable amount of guilt that follows you around wherever you go and from what I can imagine it will be lingering with you for the rest of your life, this I call "mommy guilt"

From day one Luke and I would sit in our family room and ask each other, should we feed him again, when should he go to sleep, is he eating enough, is he happy, is he going to sleep too late, is he going to sleep too early... the list goes on and on and since there is NO right answer and no one way to do things there are well... no answers.

I am not one for no answers. I need an answer, a plan, and a schedule and I am a happy girl. Well when a baby joins the team all of that goes out the window and you are left with mommy guilt.

Will did very good for a while with sleeping, then he got sick, then he got more sick and now we are back to square one. I waited till I knew he was 100% better before I would even think about trying to get him sleeping better so now that he is better I am left with so many questions. There aer so many opinions on sleep out there you never know what to believe or what to try and since every baby is different there is just no one answer.

Right now Will sleeps on and off through the day when he wants, (which leads to sometimes him napping at 6 or 7 pm) he usually goes down about 9 or 9:30 after his last feeding from breast. We try to stick to a good routine, last feeding upstairs on Mommy's bed, with a clean diaper and jammies on, then we go in his room, swaddle, give kisses, give binkie and rock for just a minute. I try to lay him down when he is drowsy so he can put himself to sleep.
Lately he wakes 1, 2, or 3 times a night.
I heard that if they get used to eating in the night they will rely on that food and keep waking so sometimes I get him to go back down without eating but by the 2nd or 3rd wake we usually resort to nursing.
Then he is usually up around 6 or 6:30.

OR

Up once at 4, eat, then back to sleep, then the morning is pretty messed up as he is just getting up as I walk out the door etc... Reguardless I have not been on time to work once since going back.

Some experts say to put them to bed earlier and they will sleep better, some mommas say to give them a bottle of pumped milk before bed as they may get more that way and stay fuller. Some say to let them cry it out at night as to learn to put themselves to sleep, some say he is hungry and to nurse him.

I think we will try some new things because I am barley functioning on amount of sleep or lack there of. But the crying it out, I feel like Will will get so worked up and not be able to comfort himself back to sleep if I try this, or should I try it and nurse him after ten minutes if it does not work??

I obviously don't know what is best or what is the right thing to do for Will, if he could only talk and tell me what he needs...
This is one of my first experiences with mommy guilt and I am sure there will be plenty more to come, but it sure would lift my "mommy esteem" if maybe some ting I try works. (don't laugh, I can hope right!?)

4 comments:

  1. Oh honey, I hate the mommy guilt! First, don't be so hard on yourself. If you take a deep breath, and look back, you're doing everything right for you! I know you are oh so incredibly tired, which makes your judgment impossible!

    What about eliminating that evening nap? There's also this thing called the four month wakeful period. Will may be going through that too.

    Maybe try reading some of my old blog posts, I seem to have had some sleep troubles around this time too!
    http://thewilsons714.blogspot.com/2009/10/bedtime-troubles.html
    http://thewilsons714.blogspot.com/2009/10/sleeping-boycott.html

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  2. I have tried getting rid of that evening nap & let me tell you it just makes it worse. I have found 3 naps a day 1.5 to 2 hrs and if needed a 30-40 minute catnap in evening to get through to bedtime is what works for us anyways. From what I have read babies our LO age can only last like 1.30 to 2 hrs in between naps. It will gradually get further apart. Good luck! I am still trying to get the perfect routine down!

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  3. You are doing great Ashley!!!! He is healthly, happy and loved. You provide an amazing environment for him so don't you worry about that!! Mommy guilt is a real thing that will not go away I'm afraid but find comfort in knowing that we all have it!!!

    Every few months Kaylyn goes through sleep issues. As a baby I would feed her in her room under dim light. I would rock her while nursing as well so that she was almost asleep when I put her to bed. When she was still waking during the night (and she didn't need to, which was right around Will's age) I talked to our doctor and got advice from a friend going through the same thing. The plan went as this: allow them to cry for 5 minutes, go into room and check for safety then give binky back if used and softly touch them saying something quietly like "I love you" then leave the room, if they continue to cry wait for 10 minutes then do the same thing again, if still crying wait 15 minutes then do same thing. The idea is that they learn you are there to protect them but are not going to pick them up.

    It worked well for Kaylyn and only took about 2 nights. I can't promise it will work for Will but it is a new thing to try. Also he might just be going through a growth spurt and that always seems to change up their habits. You might want to try and pump more so that you build up your milk supply. That might give him a more rich night time feeding that will last him longer.

    Hope you find some of this helpful!!! Feel free to call/email anytime you feel Mommy Guilt!!! I will be more than happy to listen and offer any advice I can!!!

    Love you!!! Kylie U

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  4. try the book "how to solve your child's sleep problems" by dr. ferber. he is a children's sleep expert. i used his book on nathan and he was sleeping through the night and taking great naps after a week. just an idea, but i have also read you can't spoil a baby between 0 and 3 months and will is just over that...ALSO, you may want luke to try to rock him. sometimes if they smell you, they want to eat. :)

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