That's it, I'm tired, I'm just plain tired. I am trying not to complain about anything, because it is such a miracle I have this amazing baby growing inside of me healthy and strong. My pregnancy has been mostly easy and uneventful and I love having William inside of me, I love it when he kicks me, I love when Luke laughs watching him roll around under my skin, and I love being the cute preggo lady... i do.
But I must have way underestimated how hard the last two months are. Before I got pregnant I vowed to not be one of those people that were like "get this kid out of me!" I never understood it, things, sleep, pain, etc were just going to be that much worse once baby is here I thought. But now I get it...
I don't sleep anymore, first it was because of the carpal tunnel, which they totally need a new name for, I will re-name it for you, "breaking of your wrists and every bone in your hand syndrome" is more what it feels like. I went and got braces for my wrists but it is hard to sleep with them on all night.
Last night I made a new record up to pee 500 times I think.
Work has been extremely crazy, and with my on going crankiness it has me questioning everything here, everything. So my hobby for the middle of the night is now to check emails and then lay in bed and think about work. I wish I could say this will stop while I am on maternity leave but I highly doubt it.
I cant get off the couch with out Luke pulling me up, or me trying to get myself up which is quite a show considering I cant use my wrists to hoist myself up.
And my feet are boats, literally boats, I don't care about this still, but they are so big they look weird, people stare at them and think ohh poor pregnant lady which I hate.
As long as we are complaining, I am a little tired of the same 3 dresses, 4 shirts, and 2 capris that fit, I have one pair of jeans that still fits but most days that sounds like torture.
I understand that a lot of this stems for the fact that it has been a million degrees my entire pregnancy, but I am not going to be able to keep my mouth shut much longer when people tell me I timed this bad. Of course we were responsible till we were ready but I believe that God gives you a baby when he knows it is time for one, and that is why he decided to make us perfect sweet little William Lucas right when he did.
I got a sweet email from Luke today I have to brag and share with you.... my previous email may or may not have told him how much I wish I could go home and have some drinks with him (so glad this week is finally over!)
"i know that would be fun, but I keeping thinking about how awesome our new baby boy is going to be and how much joy he is going to bring for us it makes everything worth it. Ash, I really think even if he is crying and wont be quiet that I wont care because I will love him so much. I want to be the best father there is, and do anything and everything to help. If I could make anything you wanted for dinner tonight, what would it be? Even if I have to go to the store?"
Brings tears to my eyes too... sniff sniff.
I feel and see so much incredible love for this little guy and he is not even here yet, I know at any given moment of his life I would go through hell and back to make sure he doesn't feel even one single ounce of pain. So I know in just a little over a month this will all be completely worth it, now how do I speed up time for the next 38 days? not that were counting....
side note: In case you do not know me AT ALL, there were quite a few sarcastic points in the post.